I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
