I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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