Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
