The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
