so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
