we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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