loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
