can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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