So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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