I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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