Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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