just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
