What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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