fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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