it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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