He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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