I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
