Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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