your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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