When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
