I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
