ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
