so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will pee on everything he values.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
