Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
