I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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