Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is Oprah even human
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
