I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
