I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
