You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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