i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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