i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
