Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
