I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
