I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
