Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
