She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
