hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
