Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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