I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
