that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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