ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
