ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
