wanna go halves on a baby?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
