So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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