I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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