the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
