guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And then he peed in my hair
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