At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
