Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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