apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
