the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
