just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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