Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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