So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
